Love doesn’t always make sense. Movies and books have taught us that every romance turns out perfectly and ends with a happy, fairytale finish, but this is simply not always the case.
Many times, love is complicated. We break up or get divorced, or the love seems doomed from the start.
Nowadays, a familiar love story may include falling in love with someone who is already in another relationship or even married. We can’t control who the heart wants, but especially in confusing and complicated situations such as these, we can seek out advice from trusted sources such as friends, family.
Even therapists like those available through MyTherapist, an online therapy provider, could be a great source of advice and guidance. Trusted individuals who know the whole story will be able to give valuable feedback. However, you can also check out this advice on what to do if you fall in love with a married man.
What are the next steps?
- Acknowledge the difference between love and infatuation.
The first step in any new relationship is taking inventory of your feelings. A new, exciting, and passionate relationship may make you feel wonderful and therefore make you believe you are in love.
However, feelings of love are often very complex and consist of more than feelings of infatuation or lust. It is very possible to fall in love with someone who is married, but this will most likely involve a mutual relationship of care and trust.
If you are missing these elements, you may likely be feeling a strong crush or infatuation.
- Communicate how you feel.
The next step is to tell him how you feel if you’re in a place to do so. If you two have started seeing each other outside of his marriage and are developing your own relationship, it may be necessary to communicate to him that you are beginning to feel strongly.
You may feel that along with the development of your emotions for him, you need to establish boundaries or a definition of the relationship. This will allow you to maintain some control of your developing relationship and honor your emotions simultaneously.
- Take the backseat when it comes to his family life.
Whether or not you two decide you want to pursue a relationship with each other, it is necessary to honor his existing family dynamic while figuring things out.
If he is still married and his wife does not know about the affair, you should allow him to decide whether or not to tell her on his own time. If he has children, this goes for his relationship with them as well.
- Let him decide how he wants to proceed.
At the end of the day, he is still married to someone else and will have the ultimate say in how your relationship goes.
This can be both heartbreaking and even demeaning – it’s hard to feel as though you don’t have much of a say in your new relationship.
However, the complexities that ensue because of an affair mean that extra care should be taken around his existing relationships. This has no effect on his feelings for you or even his desire to enter a relationship with you; instead, it just allows him to take care of and responsibility for the relationships and choices he has made.
Final Thoughts
When you realize that you have strong feelings for someone who is already in another relationship or even married, it can be challenging to know what to do.
After all, you feel as though they have most of the decision-making power in your relationship.
However, above all, it is essential to stand up for yourself and your emotions. Such a commitment can involve setting boundaries or being the one to guide communication. At the end of the day, you are the most powerful force in your own life.